Dylan | Dirty mind or sexy imagination - (40)

Hello gentlemen! I'm Dylan, your girl-next-door turned sexy MILF... I'm not going to bore you & tell you how I like long walks & candlelight dinners like the other posts. I'm going to make you addicted to my quirky sense of humor, my stimulating intelligence & of course my sexy stories that I love to write for you! I hope you enjoy my jokes & look forward to hearing from you..... Happy reading boys! 🍪🥛 COOKIES & MILF BEING SERVED IN NAPERVILLE #1~Three women are walking along the beach when they come across the man sitting in the sand, right up on the shoreline, with no arms and no legs. The first woman walks up to him and says "you poor man! Have you ever been hugged?" The man sadly says " no, I've never felt a hug before". So the woman gives him a hug & continues on her way down the beach. The second woman approaches the man & asks " have you ever been kissed?" The man begins to cheer up as he says " no ma'am, I've never felt a woman's lips on mine." She leans down & gives the man a slow seductive kiss & then continues down the beach. The third woman walks up to the man, leans in close to his ear & in a sexy, low husky whisper says "have you ever been fucked?" By now the man is hard as a rock with fantasies & scenarios running thru his head. Eventually squeaks out "Nope! Never! Not even once!" The woman stands up straight, gives the man a huge smile & says "Well, you're going to be when the tide comes in! " #2~A hippie gets on a bus & sees an absolutely gorgeous woman sitting all by herself. As he gets closer he realizes it's a nun! He's so mesmerized by her beauty that he ignores her habit & starts flirting with her. Obnoxiously. Offended by his objectifying comments, the nun stands up & gets off the bus. The hippie sees the nuns ass & let's out a pitiful moan. The bus driver, having watched the entire sad interaction, asks the hippie what's wrong. The hippie tells him that the nun has the best ass he's ever seen & he'd do absolutely anything to fuck it. Amused the bus driver informs him that the nun goes to the cemetery every Thursday night at midnight to pray to God for the lost souls. All he has to do is dress up as God & she'll do anything he wants! Excited the hippie thanks the driver & gets off the bus. That Thursday the hippie arrived at midnight & everything was just as the bus driver said. He sees the nun & calls out to her "fear not my child for I am your God whom commands you to fornicate with in anyway, anywhere, anyhow I chose! For if you refuse to the depths of hell you shall go! " The nun immediately stands, yanks up her habit & bends over presenting her ass to " her God ". Hippie doesn't waste a second! He pours on some lube & goes for it. To his surprise he hears a deep groan of pleasure. After several minutes, it's over & the hippie starts to laugh. He pulls off his habit & says to the nurse "Haha fooled you! I'm the hippie from the bus!" The nun stands up, pulls off her habit, turns round & says "ha ha fooled YOU! I'm the bus driver!"